Album about a great story.
im dying of period cramps on the sofa and i heard someone in the kitchen and assumed it was my mom so i yelled I CAN FEEL MY UTERUS PULSING HELP and my dad came into the room with the most horrified expression on his face
i found this on my bed
dads are wonderful
I’M HOME ALONE AND MY PARENTS FORGOT TO TELL ME THAT THERE ARE PEOPLE PAINTING OUR HOUSE SO I’VE BEEN REENACTING LES MIS AND I JUST VIOLENTLY THREW OPEN THE WINDOW TO YELL ‘CANONS’ AND THE POOR GUY NEARLY FELL OFF HIS STEPLADDER
DON’T YOU DARE REBLOG THIS I MIGHT GET SUED
Someone wrote Sugar, were going down swinging on the bathroom wall in blood and now our school is on lockdown omfg
THE POLICE ARE HERE OMFG
There is this girl laughing her ass off in the corner of my classroom. I wonder if she…
I just made a new friend
are you not gonna ask her the fucking source of the blood
it was a girl. in a bathroom. figure it out.
I LOVE THIS BECAUSE NONE OF THEM ARE EMASCULATED OR FORCED TO BE BAD ASS OR STEREOTYPES THEY’RE JUST INDIVIDUALS WHO DO AWESOME SHIT AND HAPPEN TO BE FEMALE
what this made me realise is that helen’s certainty implies that dash and violet were both showing signs of their powers as infants and that is the funniest thing i have ever thought of in my life because one has super speed and one turns invisible can you picture first-time parents trying to deal with a baby that sometimes fucking disappears
and it’s amazing
but wait there’s more
omg and then
i want a prequel to veggie tales where the humans who occupy that kitchen are flipping the fuck out as their fruits and vegetables slowly become self-aware and begin to sing about jesus
this is like my fave joke
okay that shit was good.